Guelph Therapist Andra Gemmell is a Registered Psychotherapist (#11293) | She/Her |at Niilo Wellness who empowers those 18+ through life transitions, boundaries, self-esteem, body image, anxiety & depression, and addiction complexities to increase their confidence to take up space and feel safe in the world.
Ahh, the holidays. Glimmering lights (oh yeah, I should put those up soon), festive decorations (where did I put those boxes?), exchanging gifts (what do I even get my in-laws and how much should I spend?), family get-togethers (what do I bring and how can I limit my chatting time with that one uncle?), cheesy Hallmark movies (should I start any traditions with the kids?), holiday baking (which reminds me I need to look up the recipe, make the grocery list, go shopping, find time to bake…etc), and merry music (is it even the most wonderful time of the year??).
If any of those side thoughts come up for you when thinking about the holidays, you are not alone. While the holidays are advertised as full of joy, laughter, and excitement, there can often also be overwhelmed feelings, financial stress, and pressure for the picturesque end of the year that bring lower mental health (Mutz, 2015).
You may be wondering, how can I cope with holiday stress?
Well, I can relate to some of these thoughts myself, while as a CBT Therapist, I also hear from clients about their increased stress this time of year, and I have a few suggestions that may help you cope.
First, let’s dive into where all this stress may be coming from.
At no surprise, coming in at the top of the holiday stress list…
Holiday Financial Stress
Often this holiday season brings upon a lot of commercialism that pressures individuals to buy certain things to have the “perfect” holidays (Mutz, 2015). I have even heard some clients share that they don’t feel like “enough” as a result of not being able to afford the toys their kids want, the decorations that would make the house more picturesque, clothes that fit the occasions, gifts for everyone in their immediate and extended family, etc.
What can you do about Holiday Financial Stress? Insights from a Guelph Therapist
While I can recommend clients to “budget for the holidays”, it’s not usually that simple.
Sometimes it can help to turn the attention inwards to understand how this financial pressure is affecting you and why.
Either with your therapist or on your own, it might be worth exploring where the pressure to buy things to fit a certain image is coming from and what that messaging is.
And I am not talking about the commercials you may see on TV or hear on the radio. I am referring to perhaps the role modeling you saw from your parents, the image you’re trying to portray, or the internal shaming voice that tells you that you need to give the best gifts in order to be the best son/daughter-in-law, parent, friend, etc and to show that you care.
While budgeting is practical, it may be more helpful to explore if you’re able to change the value you hold for what you give.
Reassessing this value may allow you to feel less pressure to spend beyond what you are actually comfortable with.
Some fun ways to take off the financial stress while still being meaningful:
DIY wrapping paper or gifts (ex: use brown paper bags and get creative with personalized drawings on them)
Have agreements with family about how much to spend or even keeping it simple (ex: DIY greeting card exchange only)
Secret Santa so you only have to buy for one person
Enjoy low cost-traditions (ex: in Guelph, there is Sparkles in the Park involving festive lights displays)
The next possible source of holiday stress is time - and what feels like not having enough of it!
Holiday Time Stress
Balancing all of the social events like family dinners, work holiday parties, kids’ holiday concerts, and final get togethers before the year end can be challenging. While all of this is happening, you may still need to balance final exams, work shifts, preparations and general day-to-day life stuff. Some families even have multiple dinners to attend due to separated parents or big families where they may not all get together at once.
There can also be the pressure of having busy holiday plans.
So often the common question asked around this year is “What are you doing for the holidays?” as if the expectation is that you will be busy doing something. This can also place a lot of pressure on individuals to have an interesting answer.
What can you do about Holiday Time Stress?
Again, it is important to reflect on what voice is telling you what you “should” do to determine if overcommitting to plans is perhaps the result of
wanting to please others,
worrying about disappointing someone,
or possibly a fear of saying no.
The holidays are meant to be enjoyable not just for others, but for yourself as well.
It is okay to say no to protect some of your peace while setting boundaries.
Here are some of the recommendations I offer my clients who are trying to manage time stress:
Try to commit to only one major plan per day so you are not having to leave and drive to multiple family events in one day – you can’t be in two places at once and your social battery can drain quickly by overcommitting!
Be flexible for when you celebrate holidays – for example, it is okay to have a Christmas dinner the weekend before or after Christmas, it can still be a Christmas dinner even on the 28th and it doesn’t only need to happen on the 25th
Prioritize what you truly want for you and your immediate family and save that for the dates that truly matter (ex: spending Christmas morning gift opening on Christmas morning just with your partner and kids)
While the holidays can often feel overwhelming due to financial pressures, time constraints, and the weight of expectations of what the holidays “should” look like, it’s important to remember that managing expectations, getting creative, and setting boundaries could help to navigate the season with more ease.
By understanding where the pressures are coming from, being mindful of what truly matters to you, and finding creative ways to make the holidays manageable on your own terms, you could reduce the pressure to make everything “perfect.”
In counselling clients, I see how each individual has their own unique set of challenges when it comes to the pressures of the holidays. Having some unbiased and judgement-free support to help you discern your values and explore what you need in order to make this holiday feel more joyous, might be the gift you first need to give to yourself this year.
If you don’t have a therapist that you can reach out to, I invite you to reach out directly to myself, or any of the Counsellors at Niilo Wellness - you can say, “I read Andra’s blog and I need some holiday help”!
This holiday, give yourself permission to let go of unrealistic expectations and embrace the season in a way that prioritizes what you value, and make this time of year special and supportive to you.
Guelph Therapist Andra Gemmell is a Registered Psychotherapist at Niilo Wellness and provides in-person therapy in Guelph and online counselling sessions across Ontario. Andra provides counselling using various therapy models such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, Solution Focused Therapy, Person-Centred Therapy, Gottman Method, & Trauma-Informed.
To explore working with Andra browse through her Bio and see her availability here!
References:
Mutz, M. (2016). Christmas and subjective well-being: A research note. Applied Research in Quality of Life, 11(4), 1341–1356. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11482-015-9441-8
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The information provided in this article is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The author is not liable for any misuse or misinterpretation of the information in this article.
Your mental well-being is important. Always seek the advice of a qualified mental health provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your mental health.
If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health emergency, please reach out to a professional immediately. In Ontario, you can contact the Talk Suicide Canada Service at 9-8-8 or 1-833-456-4566 for support 24/7, or ConnexOntario at 1-866-531-2600 for mental health and addiction services.
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